Ok so I told my father off the other day and now I feel slight bad about it but not badly enough to call him and appologize. See, I was never molested or abused as a kid (or not that I can recall..lol) and I had a pretty good childhood. Got every and anything I wanted and had the worlds greatest mother as a mom, so shit was smooth. But with my pops, shit has always been a struggle to maintain a relationship, even as a kid , when I really think back to it. This is not to say he was a deadbeat because he wasen't, he did what he could, and like I said, we didn't really want for too much. Idk where I am going with all this, point is, I want,need him to be someone he just can't and although I am grown and it should not bother me, I guess this is my "issue" because it does. This dude has consistantly forgotten my birthday more times than he has remembered and while it shouldn't matter because I know he cares, (I guess??), it still hurts. Like how the fuck do you forget your childs birthday. First child @ that?? It's a small thing, I know but when he does it now, it's not so much about now, I still remember how I felt as a kid and I been waiting all day for that call. You would think after years of forgetting, you would think, hey, maybe I should make an effort to remember, right? Right. Then, he never really has anything good to say to or about me. I will be quick to hear from him if I am on the wrong route or something or if he needs something but I can't remember him ever saying I am proud of you and I think I can remember about 3 or 4 max, I love you's and that shit sucks. More than sucks, it hurts so I can't fuck with him no more. I love that man dearly but I gotta do it from a distance for my own sake. Did i mention I got a great,crazy but wonderful, terrific mother (hi mom) :0)
On another note, something good is coming. I feel it.
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